SO. I have been ridiculously negligent of this poor little blog, but for good reason!
I'm now half of ALI AND THE BEN SIDES.
It's my friend Ben and I in our acoustic project thing.
We have one song written/recorded as of yet.
Listen to it @ : www.myspace.com/aliandthebensides
add us, and spread around to your friends!

your pal,
APUFF

Incomplete.

The walls felt like they were radiating cold. The basement seemed like an icebox. An icebox full of coffins placed in perfect rows. I knew which was hers even though they were all identical and closed. A bare bulb hung from the ceiling illuminating the concrete walls and vinyl tiles on the floor covering the concrete there too. My maternal grandparents bought this home thirty years ago the day she died. I lived in this basement as a baby with my mother and father before they could afford a home of their own. The yellow phone with its tangled cord still hangs on the wall.
I stood staring at the boxes that held the empty decomposing vessels. I knew the man was behind me, he was standing in the corner. I knew he’d threaten to expose her. I knew he wanted to see me to cry. His piercing black eyes stared into mine as his hand grasped the lid her body laid beneath.
“Please, that’s not how I want to remember her. Step the fuck away from that.” He ignored me.
I turned away.
Another casket had been opened and a light shone above it. A skeleton in a tattered dress wore a plastic mask on her skull. Her mask portrayed her face perfectly. Just like it was in 1963 when her husband died in her arms. Perfect red lips and stiff black hair. As clear as a fake complexion could be. Jacqueline Onassis stared at me through the empty eye holes and although her head was empty I still listened when she spoke to me.
The yellow phone rang. On the line I heard a gentle voice softly speaking foreign words. I listened because I knew I was only in a dream and these dreams are the only way she can still talk to me. I will listen to everything. I will feel everything. I need to take it all in before I end up like them in their satin lined coffins.
I need to hear her. This is why you have to let me sleep.

She’s trying to tell me something. It’s almost December and I still find ladybugs on my pillow in the morning. She sang me their song, my grandfather still does if I beg him to. When he sings it sounds more like a dirge and his brown eyes are milky and his body is old.

Baby, it;s Boston..

all day while Dominic was busy moving furniture out of my cousin's Everett apartment I was off chasing this cow kitty. it was cute but probably flea infested and i wanted to keep it. then later i was going to dispose of some garbage the cat was getting into and Dominic was just like "Baby, it's Boston, people could poop in the street without getting a second glance please leave that trash and cat alone."

Sometimes i feel like i'm six and a half.

this morning i babysat Ella Rose. she's three and teensy and full of giggles, with the occasional tantrum. we had loads of fun!



Ella thinks she's the princess




when she got a kitty her parents let her name it.
it's name is Seven.


g'night!

Joaninha

ladybug - joaninha (portuguese)


during the middle ages, in europe, the farmers' crops were being destryoed by insects. they prayed for the virgin mary to help them, shortly after lady bugs came eating away the bugs and saving the crops. the farmers then began to call these bugs "beetles of our lady", which eventually became "lady beetles". the red winds are said to represent mary's cloak, and their spots represent her joys and her sorrows.

after my va passed away i remembered how when i was little she'd have me hold lady bugs in my hand and make a wish when they flew away. she had a figurine of the virgin mary on her dresser that had been there for as long as i can remember. the crown was gold and i liked to turn it around and around. now it's in my room on my desk. the other night i noticed a lady bug nestled in her hands.

You know it's true, I wish you'd leave me here.

Saturday night I slept over at Paula's. we looked at the stars from a field and drank some really yummy tea. Sunday morning we went to an amazing mass that I really enjoyed. There was lots of singing and a nice sermon and it was the perfect start to my day. When we got home we met a really cute stray cat and I saved a butterfly from being eaten by the really cute kittie. We spent the afternoon exploring, it was so lovely out, I could smell fall with the windows rolled down. We ended up at these beautiful falls. As I climbed up the rocks to the top I could feel the wind and spray of the water on my face and the sun was falling into the woods perfectly between the trees. I just want to be outside all of the time.

here are some pictures from my day:


stray cat


butterfly morning


so green


kuplunk! [ why underwater cameras are cool ]


i know that now, that's why i'm staying here

Oh baby, baby it's all about the moon

So today I did nothing except play with the four track. I need headphones so I can hear what I'm doing when I try to put vocals in because it's sounding really silly - but it's still fun.

I'm going to sleep in Westfield tonight at Paula's house so we can drink tea and have nice conversations and look at the moon. We'll probably go to Grandmother's Garden too. Hopefully with a real big blanket - it's gotten to be so chilly!

At the football game last night Greg said that a lot of people have trouble sleeping while the moon is full. This is because the moon is closest to the earth when it's full and the same way the moon influences the ocean's tides, when it's so close to earth it messes with the blood in our bodies. I don't know if this is really true or not because it is coming from Greg, but during monday's full moon I fell fast asleep really early. At 8:45. I still had homework and a bunch of things to do but the moonlight shining onto my bed was too tempting to not snuggle in my covers in.

I keep waking up wrapped tightly in a cacoon of my sheets and comforters but I'm not ready to close my windows and keep the fresh air and breeze from coming in.

Mmm.
Goodnight!